Back to school.....

I am not sure that I am one of those moms that is happy to see her children heading back to school today.  When Brent and I started having children we were told that cherish them while they are young and while you have them because they grow up quickly.  At them time I would think, "Yeah, right."  Well guess what, it is true. I look back on my children's lives, and yes, they are still young, but I look back on their years and wonder where did it all go?
Today in just a few hours my oldest will be starting 12th grade. WOW, 12th grade.  I remember when I was a senior in high school, and honestly, it does not seem like it was that long ago.  I remember the first time I took my 17 year old, who was then five at the time, to kindergarten.  I remember thinking this is the first day of a whole lot of learning.  I remember thinking ahead at the time to when he would be a senior and thinking that seemed like such a long ways away.  Well, that day is finally here.  The last year of his public education.
I cried the day he went to kindergarten, I cried the day he graduated from kindergarten.  I was happy/sad at the time.  My little boy was growing up.  He was going to be in school all day from then on. I remember shedding tears when he left 6th grade.  He was onto a new venture in his life.  He was getting older and I could not stop that.  No, I did not shed tears when he went to high school.  That just seemed like a natural transition.
But here is the day he starts his Senior year of high school and here I am crying.  Why?  Because my little boy is getting older.  Silly I know.  I called my mom last night a cried to her.  She listened and told me everyone goes through this.  This I know.  But why cry?  Because I think I know the next steps in life that he will take (or hope that he will take).  Graduate, get a job, go to school, go on a mission, come home go to school, and then get married.
But see, I am only looking from now to a couple years ahead....to the mission part.  He hasn't even left my house yet and I am crying!  I know, this is something we all must go through, and I am certainly happy for him.  You just hope you have taught them the things that they are going to need to know to carry them throughout their lives.
I am not sure that I will be home to see him drive off to school when he leaves (because I too have a class...only mine is at the University) but I certainly hope that I am so that I can give him a hug and kiss goodbye and wish him luck on his first day of class.
I just hope that is gets easier with the following two.  I am hoping that when they enter their first day of their Senior Year I will be better prepared for that day.  But something tells me that it won't get any easier.
I have read this poem before, but right now, it just sort of seems to apply...except I could substitute he..but them again, it could apply to all three of my children so for one, it would still be she :).


 First Day of School 

She started school this morning, 
And she seemed so very small. 
As I walked there beside her
 In the Kindergarten hall
And as she took her place beside 
the others in the class,
 I realized how all too soon 
Those first few years can pass.
 Remembering, I saw her as 
She first learned how to walk. 
The words that we alone made out
 When she began to talk. 
This little girl so much absorbed 
In learning how to write. 
It seems as though she must have grown 
To girlhood overnight. 
My eyes were blurred by hastily 
I brushed the tears away 
Lest by some word or sign of mine 
I mar her first big day 
Oh how I longed to stay with her 
And keep her by the hand 
To lead her through the places 
That she couldn't understand. 
And something closely kin to fear 
Was mingled with my pride. 
I knew she would no longer be 
A baby by my side. 
But she must have her chance to live, 
To work her problems out, 
The privilege to grow and learn 
What life is all about.
 And I must share my little girl 
With friends and work and play; 
She's not a baby anymore -- 
She's in Kindergarten today.
 ~author unknown