Ups and Downs, Twists and Turns...

Like the post I posted yesterday, for the most part, yesterday was an up day; it was a good day.  And can I tell you it hurts to have a cracked finger and type?  Anyway, night hit and it became a down day.  I do not mean this is a negative aspect.  I mean it like a roller coaster ride, full of ups and downs. 

Last week we took the kids to Southern California and rode many roller coasters.  Some were gentle, full of ups and down, some were violently turbulent full of ups, downs, twists and turns, yet others coasted along and then threw you for a loop, a spin, a sky rocketing shot towards the sky or an unexpected experience.   I think that is similar to preparing for Garrett's mission experience.  

One day I am coasting along, just following a gentle ride.  Sure there are a few ups and downs, that is expected.  Other days start out gentle but suddenly I am on a roller coaster ride of emotions.  I have mentioned it does not take much to set those emotions into full swing, similar to the roller coaster ride.  First you are cruising along, enjoying the ride, when all of the sudden you are thrown into a dive for the ground below, which at the time it appears the coaster train is not going to stop.  Then at the last moment the car takes a sharp turn, rapidly approaching a cork screw turn only to come to a rapid stop.  Very similar to my emotions this past month.  One minute I cry and the next I am fine.  Weird.  Seriously, no one prepares you for this sort of emotional roller coaster.

I was searching the internet this morning for any information on sadness of a missionary leaving on a mission.  I was only able to find a couple of blogs.  I have talked to other moms that have missionaries out serving missions and I have expressed my feelings; I am not alone, they seem to come out of the wood work and tell you the emotions they went or are going through.  Honestly, let's not hide this from other people.  Let them know it is going to be hard and let them know what you did to cope!  

I have heard the first three months are the hardest...yay...not!  I have also heard six...oh joy!   I have heard many say they were not able to enter their sons room or walk past it without shedding tears.  Well, I have a problem, Parker shares a room with Garrett.  Every time I think about what he is going to go through, I tear up.  He has to live in the same room where his brother was.  He has to look over at the same empty bed and not have his brother there to converse with each night.  He is not going to be jabbed in the side with the stick that opens the blinds because of his snoring.  Parker will now be all alone.  Boys don't share their emotions very well.  I have asked him how he is going to handle this; is he going to be okay?  He replies, "Well mom, Garrett is doing what is right.  He is serving the Lord.  He is going to bring many people into the gospel." How can I argue with an answer like that?  But it still does not answer my question, "Are you going to be okay in your room?" I know he will.  But if it takes a mom three to six months, how long will it take Parker?  Maybe I am over thinking this.  Maybe my boys should have had their own room a long time ago.  

You know, I did this to my sister as well.  I married and left her in a room with an empty bed to look at.  I am sure she cried.  She turned out okay, I know Parker will turn out okay.  

See, this is a roller coaster ride.  I am fine one minute and the next, not so much.  Cruising along when all of the sudden my mind drifts and I am rapidly on a spiral of many different emotions.